My caution to you and to Mike is that you be sure to use your minds as well as your emotions. Many young people allow their brains to go into neutral when they become emotionally involved. For instance, the question, "are we in love?" is not as important as :
My letter was somewhat longer than this column but, briefly, here are the main ideas that it covered:
Money is a serious consideration in a marriage. It may surprise a couple that they differ so much on what to spend money for. It comes as a shock to many men that most of their income goes into the running of the house and traditionally, women spend most of the family budget. Her ability to spend money wisely can greatly reduce money problems.
Another sensitive area is in-laws. In a real sense each marriage partner assumes a close relationship to the family of their mate. Adjustments are necessary but patience and a good sense of humor are vital in making them. Ordinarily the man can best deal with his family when problems arise and the woman is the logical one to deal with hers. Each knows where his family land mines are buried
The marriage manuals seem to deal primarily with the physical relationship between man and wife. My own view is that, while this is an exceedingly important adjustment in the course of a marriage, the relationship is primarily spiritual consisting of affection, responsibility, honesty, integrity, and caring. Let's take caring for example. The whole tenor of a marriage relationship depends upon whether each cares for the other as opposed to exploiting him or her. In caring a person puts his partner's needs first. This is what the apostle Paul meant when he admonished married couples to submit themselves to one another.
I need to point out that sexual restraints are appropriate and character-building whe ”on is single. When one marries, however, such restraints are released in an atmosphere of love until they become the highest expression of intimacy between a man and his wife. A healthy love relationship calls for freedom, patience, and unselfishness.
Do you agree on whether or not and how many children you want? How about discipline? Are your views similar on how children should be controlled?
Finally, never underestimate the value of a religious faith. Fortunately both of you are of the same tradition. How close you are in views and interest is important. Would both of you serve in the church? What about the practice of religion in your home?
Even more important is your personal relationship to God. Would Mike be the kind of person to breathe a prayer of thanks to God when he views the woods aflame with autumn colors or looks across a field of flowers? Would you? Could you reach out and touch his hand as the two of you stand gazing into the window of the universe on a starry night? Could you pray together?
If you are interested in what happened to Mike and Robbi, they did marry, Mike became a minister, earned a doctoral degree from a seminary and has had an outstanding ministry in Kansas City. Robbi is on the staff in a seminary in that city and they have a handsome son and a lovely daughter who are leaders with a genuine Christian influence in their community. If this sounds like a fairy tale, believe that these principles work.
My letter probably only confirmed what Mike and Robbi already believed. Their success in family living is due entirely to their vision of what they wanted their family to be and their willingness to make it happen.