Ideally every child should have a father and a mother, but for a number of reasons; divorce, death of a spouse, loose morals, or the loss of good judgment, one third of the nations children are being raised by single parents. Since most of the heads of single families are women, I am responding to the request of a single mother. She asked that I look at her situation and offer a few suggestions.
When I looked at Susan's responsibilities I was reminded that she has to meet the demands that are normally handled by two parents. She is trying to provide her children with food, clothing and a place to live. These are the physical necessities of life but they are no more important in her view than the spiritual needs of her and her two children. These include a good education, a healthy social life, learning self control, and responsibility to God and to society.
Susan is typical of most single mothers in that she has less time to spend with her children than two parents have. She also has less income than most. She has read the statistics and knows that children raised by a single parent, by comparison, are at a great disadvantage. They are more prone to depression and anxiety and are sick more often. At school they make lower grades, miss school more often, and are more prone to drop out of school. Also, the young adult children of single mothers are one and a half times more likely to be out of school and have no job. Susan is especially concerned that single parent daughters are twice as likely to become pregnant and the sons have a high risk of getting into trouble with the law.
After attending to the needs of the children, Susan is very much aware of her own needs. She was especially interested in getting my help with these.
"I love my children," she said, "But I need more of a life for myself. No matter how busy I am with the children, I sometimes feel alone. I have women friends but I miss the companionship of a good man. Joe and I had a great relationship and when he died I was sure I would never look at another man but lately I wake up with tears in my eyes from sheer loneliness".
The combination of these things; lack of money, concern for her children, and loneliness, keep Susan in a constant state of stress. After looking at the problem from Susan's point of view, let's look at the possibilities:
First of all, the majority of the children raised by a single mother do O.K. and in some cases they are outstanding. Character develops through hard knocks and a person with character is never a failure. Susan has character and her two children have a heritage greater than many two parent families. In fact, she is apt to beat the odds by a country mile and raise a couple of winners. I believe this for the following reasons:
In dealing with her loneliness, Susan came to see that she was day dreaming about being rescued and taken care of by a good and caring man. "My fantasy was based on a measure of self pity." she admitted. She decided to start practicing some self improvement routines She now exercises and takes daily walks to stay physically fit. Her appetite is good and she sleeps better as a result. She also started reading good literature and has developed a prayer list by which she gives time to the needs of others as well as her own.
Considering the kind of woman Susan is, I predict two things: She and her children will build a rich and satisfying life. This being true, it is also quite possible that some man will appreciate this self sufficient woman and wish to become a part of her family.