After my granddaughter, Amy, and her fiance, Casey announced their engagement last Fall Amy called and asked me to perform the ceremony. They have now been married about three months and I prepared this follow-up letter to remind them of the guidelines for good communication.
Dear Amy and Casey:
It was a pleasure to meet the relatives and friends of both families and to perform the wedding ceremony. I compliment you on choosing a lovely wedding in your parents home. You showed more interest in the marriage than the ceremony. This is sensible because, as you know, the ceremony takes only about fifteen or twenty minutes and, the marriage should last a lifetime
Let me also congratulate you on your respect for a traditional wedding in which you acknowledge publicly your commitment to each other for life. I wish every couple would follow your example.
Of special interest to me was the premarital sessions we shared before the wedding. I would like to remind you of the two guidelines that are necessary for good communication. I bring them up because they cannot be over stressed. They are not only important, they are essential for a satisfying marriage and a good family life. .Are you ready for the guidelines? Here they are:
SPEAK UP: The biggest mistake that a couple can make is to assume that misunderstandings or disagreements can be handled by remaining silent. Go ahead, lay it on the table and work it out. Only by doing this can the air be cleared and the issue resolved. But you must do it right. Otherwise it can cause hurt feelings and damage a relationship.
Here are two rules for speaking up:
Use "I" language in which you tell how "I" feel, how "I"see it, and how it is affecting your relationship. Never, never, set up a blame game by using "you" to start your sentence. This implies that your mate is the "cause" of the misunderstanding or disagreement. Only in rare cases is one person the cause. It takes two to disagree and it takes only one to set up a blame game. Instead, when you begin with "I" it should be a request for understanding and cooperation. This is the right attitude for good communication.
The second guideline for communicating is to LISTEN CLOSELY, and , I might add, with respect. This skill takes a great deal of effort and practice. It is easy to get so involved in our own work and personal interests that we fail to consider the most important person in our life, our mate.
In conclusion, I need to point out that real communication is a relationship in which the listener respects the speaker, respects himself or herself, and concentrates on the topic of the conversation. If you follow these guidelines you cannot fail to communicate and you will love one another as a result.
Grandmother and I send our love and best wishes.
Grand Dad