Dr. Stanley Watson

for the

Family Support Network

RULES FOR FAMILY CONVERSATIONS

If you have a friendly atmosphere in your home there is little doubt that you already practice some of the following rules. If you want to improve family relationships you would do well to consider them. Think for a moment about what your family life would be if they were practiced. You could talk about any subject that came to mind, you could talk with any family member without fear of conflict, and you would see a sense of well being in every family member including the parents.

Imagine just one day in the life of your family if every member followed these rules. If an angel caused this to happen would you be uncomfortable or happy? If a family agreed to these rules and learned to practice them, they would then experience what it means to live in a truly healthy family.

Are you ready for the rules? We covered the two most important ones in last weeks column but in case some of you missed it they are the first two listed below.

  1. Express yourself in a clear, calm voice that conveys respect for your hearer(s), yourself, and for the subject you are discussing. Start each sentence with "I" instead of "you" if a disagreemant might develop. For example say "I'm getting upset" instead of "you're upsetting me." Say it in a way that makes the other person want to help you relax instead of feeling blamed. You might even add "Can you help me with this?"
  2. Give your respectful attention to others when they talk. Allow time for them to express themselves without interrupting. People are often in a hurry and not considerate of each other and your careful attention will be deeply appreciated.
  3. Disagreements between family members is to be expected but they should never lead to arguments. In a day when politeness has given way to rudeness, simple politeness can change the nature of family relationships.
  4. Deal with problems without critizing or complaining. It is o.k. to attack the problem but never attack the person. This makes it much easier for a sinner to mend his ways.
  5. Avoid the mistake of trying to solve personal problems with physical attack, name calling, or accusations. These pour fuel on the fire while a calm spirit pours oil on troubled waters.
  6. Deal with only one issue at the time by leaving out old arguments and "solutions" that are not working. One problem at a time is enough.
  7. Choose a good time and a good place to deal with differences of opinion. Be sure that you are not hungry, tired, or in a hurry. Keep such discussions out of the bedroom and away from the table if you value good digestion, a good nights rest, and a happy love life.
When you talk to God in prayer think positively about the other family members and think well of yourself. The Good Lord has more concern for you and the welfare of your family than even you do.

Copyright 1996 Dr. Stanley Watson and VideComp, Inc.

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